This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at McMaster chapter.
The most loved I have ever felt was the day I got my heart broken by some boy.
Atfirst glance,this might seema littleconfusing,butI promise you,it is one of the trueststatementsI’veever written.Now, this is NOT an article about heartbreak, butas always, context matters. Last summer, I went through one of the worst kinds of breakups,the kind where you know it’s coming. I had spent hours fearing and imagining the worst. If I was a rock on the shore, my anxieties were a constant crashing of ocean waves:Am I being too much? What if I did something wrong? Is this my fault?For a while,I was able tomanage andbrave the storm. Eventually, though,aswe all know slowly but surely, the waveswear the rockdown.
I didn’t want to admit it to myself, much less to any of my friends,but I was drowning. I’m stubborn,and maybe I hang on to things too tightly, but I would’ve let these waves swallow me whole, pressing a life jacket into his hands while salt water filled my lungs if it meant being able to pretend everything was alright. But then there it was, that dreadful “we need to talk” text,and I knew reality had caught up with me.
At this point, I finally confessed to my friends the thread of worries and fearsthathad been building up for well over a month.Thefollowing24 hours leading up to the actual break-up conversation were ones filled with anxiety, tears, and many panicked phonecalls. Andunbeknownst to me,my friends began preparing for the imminent fallout.But at this point in my life, thebreakupdetailsdon’t really matter.For a while though, I romanticized the sadness and unfairness of it all, butI have since made peaceand closed that chapter of my life. What matters now is the kindness, patience, and care I receivedfrommy support systemthat day and for many weeks afterwards.
Whatmatteredwas how they were there waiting for me torun into their arms,crying quite literally.How they sat with me patiently asin betweensnot-filled sobs,I relayed the entirety of the conversation.How my friends weregentle with me, gave me time to gather myself, and tried to make me smile as best they could.Also, howthey continue to pour their love into me.
I am painfully aware of how cliché this all is: a girl finally realizes the importance and power of friendship after she getsher heart broken. Unfortunately, it’s very easy to takethe love and support you havefor grantedwhen everything in life is going well.Especially when societalnorms often dictate that a romantic partner ranks higher than our friends.Itwasn’t untilthenthat I realizedjusthowessentialthese peoplehadbecomeinmy life.
Okay, now begins the actual love letter part of this article. Since that day I have made it a point to show and tell these friends just how much they mean to me. This letteris another way for me to do exactly that. So,Chloe, Abby, and Angelica, I suspect thatI will be eternally embarrassing you guysby writing this, so I apologize in advance.But at the same time, what use dopeoplehave for love ifnottoexpress it, deeply and unabashedly?
Dear Chloe, Abby, and Angelica,
Maybe I’m still young,andmaybe I still haven’t had some‘great romantic love story’, but you guys see me better than perhaps any romantic partner ever could. We talk about this often, but I am determinedandexcited to continue experiencing and sharing our lives together. In this life, I’ve learnedI can’t live withouta few things. But then there are things I desperately do not want to live without. Like the simple comfort of leaning my head on your shoulders and you on mine. The photographs weexchangewhen we are reminded of one another. Our linked arms and synched tears when our hearts feel heavy. Our shared playlists,love of music,andour sending of songs thatwesuspectwill resonate witheachother. Knowing when one of us starts to spiral the rest will keep themsteady.
Perhapswritinga love letter to my friends on the internetis dramatic,butcertainly I can be even more dramatic. Iwant towrite sonnets out ofyou, out of your shimmering smiles and souls. My heart beats for you, and I’d crack open my ribs just to show you so. Somewhere in between, the bouncing echo of our laughter is a place I’d like to call home. You guys have shown me what it is to be loved. Your love, support, and presence continue to shape and strengthen me.Ustedes son mi media naranjas.
That is all to say, I desperately hope a couple of years down the line,I won’t have to rememberyouguys;instead, I will simply find you still by my side.
That is all to say, thank you and I love you.
Withall ofmy love,
Cynthia
- friendship
- love
- love letter
